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Question:

i wrote a poem titled 'wet cement' please rate from 1-10 :)?

Wet CementAs I walk past the old sidewalkMemories race through my mindThose little kids; they wrote in chalkBut we, we wrote on wet cementYou took a stick and wrote our namesWith a cute little heart in betweenA smile spread on both our facesBut that was when we were fourteenThose words on wet cementWill never fade awayThough I cannot say the sameFor each word you say?2008====please give me some feedback and maybe how i can make the poem better. thanks :)

Answer:

wow! that was great! i'd give it a 7 though i dont like the ending so much maybe elongate it? other than that it was very cute!
a bit short, but cute! Try to make your sentences longer, if possible... give more detail.... 6/10
Quite a nice little poem. It reminds me when the poor trees were filled with hearts and initials of young lovers. As the tree got old so the the carvings got bigger, just like some of our waistlines. I often pass a paving stone with initials dating from 1965. Your last stanza seems to say that things have not worked out for you both, but the initials will still be there to remind you of what once was. 7/10
I like this, but I question the flow of Wet Cement in the first stanza. How about you write But we, We wrote on wet cement It is more powerful split up I also think the first stanza would be more engaging if you make the process of the children writing with chalk active and leave out memories race through my mind Maybe the rain could be washing the kid's chalk drawings away. I think the end needs work. It seems a little contrived. Perhaps tie the words of today with the chalk and the rain.. In poetry you always try to hide the meaning behind the words rather than spell out the meaning. a poem is just a giant metaphor for something else. The wet cement is a great metaphor for permanence. Keep working. I really think you are on to something!
i give you a 9. it would be better if it was a little longer.

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