Please be harsh! And tell me how I can improve it!Florida by ****Placid breezeSmashing against the windowBrilliant watersRelocating the sandLike a bulldozerIridescent sunshinePalpably reflecting off the sandOne complacent ownerCapturing this sceneryIn photographs, visual or written
It kinda sounds unfinished. And it doesn't really flow its just one line after another. But I like the descriptions. Just add to it
There is a prelude;like an introduction,but suddenly,the show shift focus to human;then it frozen and the ending is this Q What do you think my poem,Opinions...? Tell us more...Florida beaches,sand and sun or the babe and waves.
Beautiful imagery! I love Florida. Florida by **** Placid breeze Smashing against the window -- you just said the breeze what placid and calm. Try using more calm, relaxed word than smashing. Brilliant waters Relocating the sand Like a bulldozer -- Try not to use the word like. It detracts from imagery. Also, bulldozer seems to be the opposite of water, unless you're going for irony. Iridescent sunshine Palpably reflecting off the sand-- Pretty picture you've painted. One complacent owner Capturing this scenery In photographs, visual or written-- You have described poetry. Good stanza. Good work! Just one question, is there a message in there? Something you want to tell the audience?
