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Question:

Why don't vacuum cleaners work as stomach pumps?

I had to try and use one as a stomach pump one night after some horrible seafood but it didn't work and it was unpleasant. Is there some sort of vacuum stomach pump attachment? I don't want to have this issue again. Help!

Answer:

Vacuum cleaners have suction that is way too powerful to use on internal organs. Didn't you see the 1000 Ways to Die episode where the idiot used a shop vac to perform his own liposuction and disemboweled himself and bled to death? Same principle. Besides, pumping the stomach would not help with food poisoning, which comes from bacteria or toxins in the food. By the time you use a pump, the bacteria or toxin is in the bloodstream and your vacuuming action is futile.

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