heres my poem:Day by day, I watched her sufferDay by day, I stood there helplessDay by day, she did nothing but sleepFinally that day cameA sickness like a bulldozerHad finally come to a stopDay by day, I watched her get betterDay by day, I stood there hopefulDay by day, she did nothing but livei need a metaphor that'll go were i left that space. thanks in advance.
I really tried to come up with a metaphor but some of the lines were just distracting the process. For instance, I'd change the line "Had finally come to a stop" to, "Had at last come to rest", or even "At last came to rest". Also "A sickness like a bulldozer" doesn't really make much sense, at least not the way it's worded. I see you're trying to say it's destructive/powerful as a bulldozer, but it comes off funny. I'd change the entire middle section to this: "Yet finally came a day, An illness lost tenacity. At last there dawned a day, When she discarded misery." I tried to keep the whole day thing going for you. Plus it goes along with the progressive improvement transition. If I think up a metaphor that goes with the original poem I'll definitely post it for you. Best of luck.
