I know they say kids don't keep a man but it is a lifelong commitment so why not?if the relationship is good or bad I truly do believe a child is a way to emotionally cement that man into your life?I know many people will disagree...so why do I honestly feel this way? Do you know any women who have done this and how did the situation turn out?I need quot;helpquot; I want to get this dumb notion out of my headI'm 24 I should know better
By cement, are you referring to the cement boots the mob gives informants before dropping them over the side of the boat? I have 3 kids with my ex. I stayed around longer than I probably would have otherwise because of the kids, but I can't honestly say that the relationship was romantic during that entire period. j0e
Times have changed, men no longer feel that they have to compromise on their own happiness if they have a child - there are so many single mothers around. When I first read your question, I thought you meant that having a child is the true 'test' of a relationship, and I'd agree with that - It must be one of the most challenging things a couple can experience, but it only works if there's a good grounding there intially.
No. No, no, no, no. Just NO. First of all, if that were true then there would be no single mothers OR single fathers, no need for child support, no deadbeat parents and no absentee parents. Children don't cement a relationship - EVER. The only way to cement a relationship is for the two people involved in it to completely commit to each other, forsaking all others, to share mutual love and respect, and to have no desire to ever be with anyone else ever again. A child is a blessing, and the icing on the cake. Besides, any woman who gets pregnant for the sole purpose of keeping her man around is getting pregnant for the WRONG reason, and the child will be the one to suffer for it. Perhaps a decent guy will stick around out of duty to the CHILD, but certainly not out of duty to the woman. And why on earth would you even WANT a man who only stayed because of the child? Why wouldn't you want him to stay because of YOU? And not everyone sees having a baby as a lifelong commitment. I personally know a woman whose husband left her when she was four months pregnant, came back after the baby was born, got her pregnant again and then left again, at four months pregnant. He has since signed over rights to his children and has never made an attempt to be in their lives again. The world is unfortunately full of people exactly like him.
Despite what others might say, it can cement the relationsship if you BOTH want children, and, if you are not married then you must also be prepared to bring up the child alone if he decides that he no longer wants to be involved. A marriage is a more solid commitment whereas just a relationship can be an escape clause for either partner. Either partner can still leave a marriage but the consequences are more dire. If the man doesn't want children, ever, then having a child will just cause resentment within him. You need to talk with his parents to see if his ideals as a parent would suit bringing up a child or whether he is too immature to understand the responsibilities. An immature man will leave you but a responsible man will accept the child even if he did not want to have children. If the relationship involves violence, illicit drug use, alcohol abuse or irresponsible behaviour like excessive gambling, or petty crimes like shop-lifting etc then I would advise against having a child in this relationship until both of you accept responsibilities for being adults.
Having a child is the icing on the cake for a good relationship. However children put a lot of pressure on a relationship too. I do not believe in bringing a baby into a relationship which is unstable. It is selfish and cruel to bring up a child in a volatile atmosphere, where nothing is stable and all they hear is arguements. So no, I don't believe having a child can cement just any relationship but a good one maybe.
