This pome is scaffolded from a real poem, quot;Capricorn,quot; by poet/publisher TD Euwaite. The link gives guidelines.
Editted - Mate, it stands up all by itself absolutely! Love it! AND it fits like a glove with the original. Well done me hearties! Ahoy me buccoes! Ooh arrrgh cap'n- tis great to hear Able Seaperson/Astropoet Cynthia's singing so early in the day! Lyricalous Stupendous Cynthia, beats the sheets outta me!megaLOL *winks at Cynthia
as both a sailor, (4 years AC) a traveller all my life and an adventurer i give you 4 1/2 stars for this work, i like imagery, and you capture that very well, controlling the picture but allowing the mind to fill in the other areas. the use of sails (ludicrous to the engineer, but i have read about solar sails before for flight around planets), finding your bunk, the first order of business on board any ship or in any military operation unless you are under fire (been there too, iraq 03) i like this work quite a bit, it captures well the life i think they would experience and enjoy if i can find 1/2 a star, i will post it to your credit
Hi I am just drooping an answer because you answered my question about my quote which was: There is a devil hidden in every angel, there i an angel in every human. I dint believe I am a cynic or the phrase is a no-no. I believe in angels my self and I didn't find this at all disturbing. I appreciate that you took your time to read my quote and to give me your opinion but I don't think you understood the quote it self what shows me that you are a good poem writer but you don't understand quotes, thoughts or poetry fully. Unless you wrote it your self. What I was trying to say with my quote was that there is good in everyone but there is also bad and that in some the good rules over the bad but there is some cases it is the other way around. Now I ask you ( with respect of course ) what is your case?
It looks good Elaine (though TD is so prolific I couldn't find Capricorn). The real question though is, Did you enjoy doing it? I love the title and how it plays off the first line. I'm going to have to go with solar-sails. Edit: I just read Capricorn. Thank you for the link. It fits well. Very nicely done. Neonman: I can see how that might be a problem. Mine actually came out as a series of odd-connections. Upon revision it wouldn't fit the original anymore. I think the trick is to write the poem as if you had no future poem in mind. If I had more room on YA I would have included the original (The Red Poppy by Louise Gluck), my composite, and the final draft...we are sadly a bit limited here.
I tried this yesterday and I ended up with a restated poem of the original. You have adhered to Todd's rules with this. Nicely done.
