you kicked me wen i was downkeep me sad wen i have a frownmake me mad wen i was gladbut then surpriseinglyYou tamed the beast in meyou happened to unleashed the keyyou hoisted me above the earthand brung about my rebirth.now you need to clense your soultold me you fell inside the holecan you help me think of an ending it?? a few more lines please!!!
Let me help: You kicked me when I was down, Kept me sad when I had a frown, And made me mad when I was glad. But then, surprisingly, You tamed the beast in me. You happened to posess the key. You hoisted me above the earth, And brung about my second birth. Now you need to clense your soul, Told me you fell inside a hole. I know the hole you fell into, I escaped it because of you. Now, that's not perfect, but it would do. You need to punctuate, seperate, and capatalize. Also, you should decide on a rhyme scheme ... you've got aab ccc dd ee .. that doesn't really work. Maybe if you took the b ccc and made it more like bb cc it would be fine. Good luck. Just keep working and you will be fine because your work expresses a nice message I think. I'll star you and maybe my Y!Friends can offer assistance as well.
I personally think you should end the poem. Full stop! In other words: You should not even have started it! The reason: You haven't got the faintest sense of language skills (less even than a pre-school child is supposed to have). You most definitely cannot spell, have not even the rudimentary basics of language knowledge and should rather leave poetry to people who truly have an interest in the spoken and written word! If you find my answer abusive, I am glad, because it is meant to be so, for anyone who would stoop so low in murdering the English language, do NOT deserve a sympathetic ear and should rather refrain from irritating people who at least know how to employ the freely provided and extremely handy Check Spelling box top right hand corner of this dialog box. Upon returning to see if anyone else commented, I read the contribution by Cinnamon. WOW!! Double WOW!!! That is what an excellent poem SHOULD look like! Thanks Cinnamon! You've saved the day by bringing a smattering of sanity back to these pages!
the one you made when I was whole now my heart is broken down and forever will be black and brown hows that?
btw, cleanse is spelled with an a... i am sorry i am horrbiel with poems. i dont havea talent like you when it comes to writing poems. i'd love to help though.
My grammar couldn't be much worse. I sure regret I wrote this verse. -- Taming the beast, huh? Yeah, it's been done, but I guess that would work too.
