Some months ago, I disputed a game of cards won by Earl Cranworth, having accused him of using a system of weights and pulleys to cheat. I refused to pay him what I owed.This afternoon, quite out of the blue, the Earl visits my manor in a tempest of fury, demanding I pay him his dues. He did not even allow my butler to announce him, but thundered through into my drawing room. Well, I had no option but to summon a henchman to soften him up. I currently have the bounder trapped in my sofa and have been sitting upon him for five hours. His muffled cries are dying down. How long is safe to keep him there, bearing in mind that I wish to send a clear message?
My Dear Sir, You become more ingenious every day! Trapping such a fiend in a sofa is certainly one way to muffle his cries - wouldn't want to disturb the neighbors with all his nonsense! However, you have left out one minor detail. Should you get up from your seat, the Earl would be able to escape, providing he is still breathing. How long do you wish to continue to sit in that same spot? As I see it, you have few options here. You could get up, thus freeing him, and hope he will depart having learned his lesson (which I doubt as Earls tend to be notoriously stubborn) or you could assign a few of your deaf servants to spend the night sitting on the sofa. Maybe by morning his spirit will be broken enough that you can just pack him up and have him delivered to his home. By then, he should be so deprived of oxygen that he will have little memory of the whole event and will only know that he never wants to set foot in your mansion again.
Can't ya just consult your Troll handbook bout such things ? ~ Thee Raunchy Mann ~
Dear Sir, remain seated upon him for as long as it is entertaining, and when you find yourself tiring of such a jape and wish to alight, be sure to urinate first so he feels the full force of your hot, steaming contempt for him.
Damn the cads eyes sir! I see no reason that you should not keep the bounder there permanently especially if he offers an extra degree of comfort to your seating area. People like that need to be taught a lesson, and a clear message needs to be sent to others who use fangled technology to cheat at cards!
It truly would depend upon what the sofa was constructed of. A leather sofa would safely keep the Earl for a good 6 hours; whereas a cotton fabric sofa would safely keep him for well over a day or so, since cotton breathes.
