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If you know him, then I don't think you'd have to shake hands when you meet. If he asks why you won't shake his hand, tell him the truth about his bone-crushing grip. I'm sure you're not the only one who thinks this way.
In response to some of your answers: telling a child they don't need something b/c they are a big boy is just mean! he isn't a big boy. he is only 4 (almost anyway) that is not a big boy and that will just make him feel bad for what he is feeling. Please don't do that to him, sweetie. (I never understood why people are always pushing for their kids to grow up.) There is nothing wrong with the blankie or the binki. Let him have it. its his security, his comfort. There is no need to take that away from him. try to distract him from the binki but the blankie is not a big deal at all. He will give them up when he is ready and my pediatrician says they used to tell people all the time to take the binki away but now realize it causes more damage (your taking away their comfort mechanism)and there really isnt harm till they get their adult teeth and they usually give it up by kindergarten if not before. Wait till he is ready. He has been through alot.
I would decline also. But is he aware of it?
You could try taking his forearm instead of his hand.
