To protect Obama as he took his oath of office
Average. Doesn't have enough mystery or tension yet to draw one in. You need to look at keeping your speakers in the same tense. Wrapped in several blankets, a young man reclined against the wall beside the fireside, spoke. compared to: Shivering slightly, he readjusted his blanket and moved closer to the fire. Or: He wore a very calm and neutral expression, and gazing up at Oren, asked “Why not?” The clash of tenses, the extra adjectives, and the multiple images in each sentence tend to slow the reader down. Also, language has an innate rhythm, and more adjectives, although they may help with description, tend to interrupt the normal cadence of language. Expressing one idea per sentence, one image per description, is a learned trait. Reading Hemingway can help with it. Reading your own prose out loud after typing it can also help. Try reviewing this clause from the paragraph above: whether or not you're interested in continuing or not, One or not must go. Had you read this out loud, you might have caught it. If you can, read the letters of Hemingway or Henry James. Both wrote even the most mundane correspondence as if they were composing a novel. Anyway, keep practicing. And, find a style that fits, so you can play with the sentences and such and still be recognized. Then we'll want to read it.
I would be interested enough to keep reading. This excerpt is too short to say about the voice,but I DO know people who speak this way,so don't take the realism comment to heart.
i love the voices! Oren sounds kinda dark yet hopeful sorta I'm defiantly interested in the story! make sure the beginning is awesome though if i don't like the first two pages i don't read the book. i love it especially the names their so..medieval *i couldn't think of the word*
I like it; it draws me in. I'll tell you the phrases I don't like: Para 1 In a small cottage at the edge of a forest sounds too cliche-ish, like it was a dark and stormy night I would change the last sentence of para one to: Wide awake despite the hour, they were engaged in a debate. Para 2. The word complicate does not match. Too modern and erudite maybe? Para 3. his blankets. (Plural) Para 4 He wore a very calm and neutral expression is just awful. Too prosaic. There has got to be a better way to convey this. But again, I like it LOTS and I want to keep reading.
Mass produces gravity and anything with mass is affected by gravity. The gravitational force on Earth is what causes Earth to orbit the sun and cause it to spin and also for the moon to orbit Earth. As you will know when the dropped on Newtons head he realised there was some invisible force that pulls stuff to the ground. However Newton wasn't satisfied with that because he didn't really know what was pulling objects to the ground he called it gravitational pull. Then Einstein in 1915 came up with the General Theory of Relativity and he explains how gravity itself bends the fabric of space just like a bowling ball would if you place it in the middle of a trampoline the bowling ball represents the sun. So the Earth along with the other planets in the Solar system are being pushed by gravity that warps the space around them and that is what is pushing us to the ground. Hope it helps a bit I'd recommend you to read up on the General Theory of Relativity, that will give you a better understanding.
