The blurriness began to dissipateMax could see nothing but a wall made of aluminum in front of himHis wrists ached, tied to the two poles behind himCoughing, he wondered were Sean wasThe aluminum room glistened of red, mirroring the image and intensity of a burning red light.“Sean!” He yelled with desperation, trying to break free“Where are you!”The door near him openedChills went up and down his spine as a mysterious foot stepped throughIt appeared to be a man cloaked with a gray hoodMax felt frightened, having a sense that the mysterious person might be Theris.“Who are you!” Max shouted with anger“You shall not speak unless spoken to,” the hooded man replied softly.“Why don't you untie me so I can pop that melon shaped head of yours.”
The writing is decent but verboseI would focus on having a more active voiceFor example, say the blurriness dissipated instead of the blurriness began to dissipateAlso say Max saw only the aluminum wall instead of Max could see nothing but a wall made of aluminum in front of himThe fourth and fifth sentences seem weak, and I would completely re-work this part Perhaps you can use this passage to help the reader FEEL the settingMy suggestion is something like this: The industrious room drowned all his sanity in its bloody, red glowMax struggled to find his voice behind the adrenaline-rich veins beating in his neckI hope this is enough to get you started! Don't be discouraged by the revision processGood writers are also good editors I love to edit writing so feel free to leave a comment about the context of this passage and I will gladly write my own version for you.
